That Moment Has Come

You know the moment I am talking about....... it was bred from MANY moments when you were a kid,and your parents dominated you,slapped you,withheld your allowance for some piddling infraction( if you even fucking got one!)fucked you over time and time again and you looked at them with murder in your heart but NO POWER and silently thought " One day BITCH, you'll be old and it's PAYBACK TIME!"

Come on! It's not just ME!

Anyhooooo.......take a good look at your parents!
Are they getting a little frayed around the edges? A little puny and vulnerable looking?
Do they NEED YOU, now??

Okay, you sap,now is not the time to feel sorry for them! To let bygones be bygones.
Now,is the time for PAYBACK!

The only problem is.... SUDDENLY bashing the shit out of the elderly is ILLEGAL!

Funny, bashing the shit out of kids wasn't illegal THEN. Oh fucking NO! That was GOOD FUCKING PARENTING!
The way I look at it is this...
There are many ways to skin a cat and avoid incarceration.
First off,if they are older than 65 start IMMEDIATELY telling their doctor they can't remember things like they used to.
You may need to do a bit of inventive prep work first,like turning on the stove before you leave, hiding shit and telling them "What do you mean I didn't tell you THAT?" " I told you three fucking times!"

It's also a good idea to plant some seeds and shake their confidence by constantly suggesting they're "losing it!"
Then when it is firmly established that they are indeed losing their fucking marbles *let them protest,it only strengthens your case.*piss them off big time and then rush them to be "assessed" while they are still livid that you arranged to take out a mortgage on their finally free and clear house to do something really stupid......like sail the world,feed the hungry....ya know,shit like that!
Under such strain,and being mucho pissed, there is NO WAY they are going to pass any assessment,now!

Then you re-assure them that the doctor is full of shit(just to pull the rug out from under them later)....Just like when you were a kid and would ask" Can I go to Joey's house on Friday for a sleep over?"...and they would say" WE'LL SEE."
You just knew "We'll see" meant NO but they didn't want to deal with you having a fucking fit right there and then.Besides, they could emotionally blackmail you to do all their bidding for the rest of the week, with a " Well, Do you WANT to go to Joey's house or NOT?"
Of course,the one thing you did not do and they pulled the rug out from under you!! You were royally screwed after having been Kunta Kinte all week!

Surely , you are not going to let them off the hook now are ya?

So then ,when they are least expecting it,you take them for the "big drive" , to the local NURSING HOME! There you tell them, as you miraculously produce a suitcase, that this is their NEW home, you have sold theirOLD home,the people will be moving in next week and as you are running out the door......"Byeeeeeeeeee,see you Mother's Day...IF YOU'RE GOOD!"

You could just threatened this, after you have one day beaten the snot out of them, as motivation NOT to tell anyone. When you finally tire of using them as your whipping post to release all your life frustrations,just like they used to do,then you can move to the HOME PLAN.
Trust me,this is A LOT of fun!!!!
Not only that but NO jail time,and there is a tidy sum to be made from their house and life savings if you ensure to get power- of-attorney first.

Go on,you know you want to.

* Disclaimer: June Cleaver here thinks this post is sick and wants you ,the reader,to in no way infer any poor parenting on her part being the inspiration for this post.

** I will deal with June Cleaver later.